Your First Fantasy Dildo: How to Pick One You Will Actually Use

A fantasy dildo is any dildo whose shape is not a human penis: an animal form, a plant, a creature, or a pure geometry of beads and steps. People buy their first one for a reason they can usually name (curiosity, a specific shape they keep thinking about, wanting a sensation a realistic toy does not give) and then pick the wrong size for it. This guide is about not doing that. It is short on philosophy and long on centimetres.

The mistake almost everyone makes

A commenter on r/SexToys, telling the story of their first purchase: they bought "a 4in diameter toy thinking the measurement was the circumference." Four inches around is a comfortable beginner width. Four inches across is a toy most people will never use. The difference is a factor of three, and shops do not make it obvious.

So, the one thing to learn before anything else: circumference is the distance around; diameter is the distance across; circumference is roughly three times diameter. Our product pages list circumference at the widest point, measured, and a diameter next to it that we calculate from the circumference. If a shop lists only one number and does not say which, assume nothing and ask.

For a first piece, the width to aim for is under 4.5 cm (1.75 in) across at the widest point that goes in, which is about 14 cm (5.5 in) around. That is the range where most people who have used fingers or a slim toy can start without a long warm-up. It sounds small on the screen. It is not small in the body.

Pick one feature, not four

Fantasy shapes do things realistic shapes do not, and each thing is a separate skill. A knot has to pop past the muscle and then sits there. Beads give you a series of small pops. A wide flat head gives a step on the way in and a drag on the way out. A long thin tip goes deep. A surface of bumps you feel all along the shaft with every stroke.

A first toy should have one of those. Two at most. A piece with a knot, beads, a spiral and a flared head is a piece where you cannot tell which part is causing the feeling, good or bad, and you will not know what to buy next. The three-in-one monster is the third or fourth toy, once you know which sensation you are chasing.

Which one? If you do not know, a tapered shape with a mild spiral is the safest start, because it has no step to get past: Thick Conqueror in XS is 10.7 cm (4.2 in) usable, 10.8 cm (4.3 in) around at the widest, and weighs 72 g. It is closer to a large finger than to a monster. If it is a knot you keep thinking about, the S on Vargrahl is the smallest knot we make at 13.6 cm (5.4 in) around, with 14.2 cm (5.6 in) usable; the knot on Firewolf starts at 18.5 cm (7.3 in) around and is not a first toy. If it is the horse shape, Strong Bow XS is 13.2 cm (5.2 in) around with 14.5 cm (5.7 in) usable and a flat head you will feel as a distinct step.

If what you actually want is a shape that is human but a bit more than human, Hot Surge XS is 12 cm (4.7 in) around and 11.2 cm (4.4 in) usable, and it is the piece we would hand to someone who is not sure fantasy is for them.

Check the base before the shape

For anal use the base has to be wider than anything above it, so the toy cannot follow itself in. This is not a preference. The single most common emergency-room story in every forum is a plug or dildo without a flared base, and the second most common is a slim "gem" plug whose base was flared but not flared enough. A disc, a suction cup, an anchor, a pair of wings: any of them, as long as it is wider than the widest point of the shaft.

For vaginal use a base matters less for safety and more for handling. A suction cup is for a wall or a floor; a plain disc is for the hand. Some of our long pieces have no separate base because the shaft itself widens into one; the product page says which.

A plug is a different animal. It is meant to stay in, so the neck below the widest point is narrow on purpose and the base is the thing that keeps it from disappearing. For a first plug, the S on Wave is 5.5 cm (2.2 in) usable and 10 cm (3.9 in) around; it weighs 48 g. Fissure XS is wider at 15 cm (5.9 in) around and is a second plug, not a first.

The first session

Not aroused when you shop, and not rushed when you use it. The first is another line from the same r/SexToys thread, and it is right: shopping while turned on is "like grocery shopping while hungry," and it is how people end up with the 4-inch-across toy.

The second: warm up with something you already know, fingers or a smaller toy, for longer than seems necessary. More lube than seems necessary, water-based, and reapplied whenever it stops gliding (there is a whole article on lube). Go in until the toy meets resistance and stop there. Breathe out. Change angle. If it goes, it goes; if not, that is a session where you learned where your current edge is, which is not nothing.

If the toy has a step (a knot, a wide head), the moment it passes the muscle is a pop, and that pop is the reason people buy these shapes. It will feel like too much for a second and then not. If it feels like too much for longer than a few breaths, back out and go smaller next time.

Pain is a stop. Not a "push through." Numbing creams remove the only feedback that keeps you safe, so no.

What happens after the first one

Most people go one of two ways. They find the sensation they were after and buy the same shape a size up, which is the point at which the size guide and the rest of the range start to matter. Or they discover the feature they picked is not the one they wanted (the knot was fine, the beads were the thing), and the second toy is a different shape at the same size. Both are good outcomes. The bad outcome is a piece that sits in the drawer because it was too big, and that is the one this article exists to prevent.

A tangent. The single most consistent thing in the forums about first toys is not any of the advice above. It is the tone: nervous, curious, a little embarrassed, and then, a week later, a follow-up post that says "what was I thinking" with a smile. The nerves are normal. They go.

Questions we get

What size fantasy dildo for a beginner?

Under 4.5 cm (1.75 in) across, under 15 cm (6 in) usable. Our XS and S pieces sit in that range; the size guide lists all of them side by side.

Are fantasy dildos harder to use than realistic ones?

No. Tip width and the size of the first step matter; the theme does not. A slim tapered fantasy piece is easier than a thick realistic one.

Soft or firm for a first toy?

Middle of the range. Very soft pieces flop and are hard to aim; very firm ones give no forgiveness at the step. The firmness page explains the scale we use.

Can I use a fantasy dildo vaginally and anally?

Yes, with a wash between, and a flared base if it is going anywhere near the second option.