Prologue | By Mr. Spade
"The world teaches you to search for your 'other half,' as if you were born incomplete, as if solitude were a disease to be cured.
This is a profound lie.
Have you ever observed your shadow at dusk? It never judges your posture. It never leaves because of your silence. It never demands anything from you. It is your oldest, most loyal companion—yet you have spent your whole life trying to escape it, chasing light sources that will eventually leave.
Tonight, I will not teach you how to love another. I invite you to learn a more difficult alchemy: turn around, and embrace the shadow that has always followed you."
Step 0: The Reset | Who Is Your Shadow
Before you begin, complete this thought experiment:
Stand before a wall. Turn on a light. Observe your shadow.
-
It does not turn away because your expression is ugly
-
It does not call the authorities because your desire is strange
-
It does not mock you because your orgasm is unflattering
-
It is always there. Even when the whole world turns off its lights, as long as one ray remains, it will not abandon you
This is who you are dating tonight.
Not a stranger from Tinder. Not a perfect couple from your social feed. Not a "partner worth showing off."
It is yourself—the one still pressed against your feet in your loneliest hours.
Step 1: The Cutting Off
"Stop broadcasting outward, and the shadow becomes visible."
This was Nyx's first lesson in the Glass City: when you try to be seen by everyone, you lose the ability to see yourself.
Tonight, you will do something antisocial—make yourself invisible.
Specific actions:
-
Enable airplane mode on your phone. Not silent mode. Total disconnection.
-
Remove the doorbell battery (if you live alone and can)
-
Turn off all devices that display time (don't let "what time is it" interrupt your space-time)
Mental reframing:
You are not "preparing to masturbate." You are eloping with yourself. Like in adolescence—disappearing from your family's sight for hours, going somewhere only you know.
That place doesn't need to be far. It's in your room. But it must be psychologically elsewhere.
Step 2: The Summoning
"In darkness, the shadow becomes most distinct."
Silo once had no vision. She could only touch the world in absolute darkness. She discovered: when one sense is deprived, others grow excessive.
Lighting setup:
Leave only one light source, positioned behind you (not in front, not overhead).
-
A desk lamp, a candle, even your phone screen at minimum brightness
-
The key: let the light source be behind you
This way, when you look at the wall or bed, you see your shadow cast around you. It is not a perfect silhouette. It is distorted, enlarged, slightly grotesque—your self, flattened by daily social etiquette, restoring its original volume.
Scent selection (based on your state tonight):
|
Your State |
Recommended Scent |
Mechanism |
|
Anxious, tense |
Cedarwood, sandalwood |
Woody notes lower cortisol, simulate "being held by the forest" |
|
Numb, detached |
Black pepper, ginger |
Spiciness stimulates nerves, awaken "I am alive" somatic awareness |
|
Sad, self-loathing |
Frankincense, myrrh |
Ancient religious tones create atmosphere of "being forgiven" |
|
No particular emotion |
Rain, ozone |
Blank canvas, no emotional preset |
Zero-budget alternative:
Open the window for ten minutes. Let the night air enter. Then close it. That freshness of "exchanged air with the outside" is enough to build the boundary.
Step 3: The Touching
"Through the artifact, touch the self you have never dared to touch."
Now, take out your Oieffur artifact. But first, complete this cognitive shift:
Do not imagine it as a tool that "simulates someone."
It is the extension of your shadow, the materialization of your inner desire. When you use it, you are not "being entered" or "being filled"—you are using your own shadow to explore the territory of your body.
Temperature ritual:
Cup the artifact with both hands for 60 seconds. Close your eyes. Feel heat flowing from you into it.
Meanwhile, silently recite (aloud or in mind):
"This is not an invader from outside.
This is a part of me,
coming home."
Select your exploration based on artifact form:
-
If this is your first dialogue with your shadow: Choose the softest artifact (Shore 00-20). Your shadow is fragile now, needs to be held. Do not challenge it with hardness.
-
If you feel angry, want to break something: Choose high firmness (Shore A30+). Use that undeniable presence to penetrate your accumulated self-suppression.
-
If you want to explore the unknown self: Choose curved or knotted designs. Let your shadow take you to unmapped regions of your body.
Step 4: The Dialogue
"Learn to read the cipher your body transmits."
Your shadow cannot speak, but it speaks through your body.
The Slow Pilgrimage (applies to all forms):
Do not rush to genitals. Let your shadow (the artifact) linger in these "non-target zones," reading the body's feedback:
-
Inner wrist → Test temperature, establish trust
-
Elbow crease → Ulnar nerve distribution, slight tingling is normal
-
Back of knee → Unexpected erogenous zone, many people skip here
-
Abdomen, below navel → Visceral nerve reflex zone, pressure creates deep tremor
-
Finally → Only then approach your core
Key mental technique:
At each zone, ask yourself—"If my shadow had a voice, what would it say now?"
It might be:
-
"Here is tight. I need more time."
-
"Here is itchy. I want to be pressed harder."
-
"There is nothing here. Skip."
-
"Right here. Don't leave."
Trust these voices. They come from your real self, suppressed by your social mask.
Step 5: The Merging
"When shadow and self become one."
Whatever artifact form you use, you will eventually reach a threshold—
Perhaps the expansion sensation of a knot passing through your body's valve. Perhaps the deep ache of a probe reaching far inside. Perhaps overstimulation from dense texture.
At this moment, do not close your eyes to escape.
If you have a mirror before you, watch your shadow. If not, imagine your shadow on the wall, synchronizing with your movement.
Mental technique:
"This is not me being used.
This is me and my shadow,
completing an embrace together."
Orgasm is not the goal. The goal is, at that threshold, to feel: "I am complete. I do not need another to complete this circle."
Step 6: The Parting
"The date ends, but the relationship continues."
Afterward, do not immediately rise to wash, check messages, return to "normal person" identity.
Lie still for 3 minutes. Complete this meditation:
Imagine your shadow slowly rising from your feet, reattaching to your skin, returning to its original position—behind you, inside you, in every moment you are not seen.
Say to it:
"Thank you for meeting me.
I know you will always be here,
even when I forget next time."
Cleaning ritual:
Treat the artifact as you would a lover's belonging—wash gently. Use warm water (not scalding), unscented soap, pat dry with lint-free cloth.
When placing it back in its pouch, imagine you are folding a letter—a love letter to yourself, to be opened next time.
